I promise not to eat your Guinea Pig

Inspired by a conversation with Miss Moriarty and Vicksburg Guy and an article on odd foods, I present my attempts at humor.

I promise not to eat your Guinea Pig

It’s a delicacy,
In some parts of the country in my cultural background,
I swear that it’s true,
that people do stranger things than we do
Roasted fire ants, shark fin stew
There are many odd ideas for you to chew
Chew
But I promise not to eat your Guinea Pig
Or any other “cute” and “fluffy” creatures
Though I am a carnivore and a recovering picky eater
Who yearns to connect with my ancestral identity
I won’t try the fried hamster
Mainly because you’d refuse to speak to me
And I’d get annoyed and tell you all about my plate full of cuisine adventures while visiting the homeland
Then you really wouldn’t speak to me, vindictively ordering a small cute and fluffy rodent off the web and delivering it to my house
The hamster would be wearing a bow tie, to prove your point
That such creatures are too adorable to fry
And I would ruin it all by saying “how’d you know we were barbecuing?!”
Then you’d report me to PETA and I’d have protesters on my lawn
Which is church property because I live in a rectory
Can protests happen on church property?
It’d be funny for a total of five minutes
Than I’d start to regret
Eating the hamster
Guinea Pig?
Are those words synonyms?
It’s probably better just to
Promise not to eat your guinea pig
Or at least, not tell you if I do!